The hypnotic cock

Having sex should be an awesome experience. In order for it to be so, a series of elements need to come together in unity and harmony. Much like in a movie, you need actors, a script, props AND a set.

Based on some of my recent experiences, many queers tend to forget this final piece of the phallic puzzle. This is why I’ve come up with 8 rules I swear by when having someone over. And so should all of us.

  1. Your safety comes before your load

Regardless of how horny you might be, ask the basic set of questions before having any drifter off the street in your home. I make it my job to get the bare minimum on all guys I have in my place. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he answers and what he has to say.  If the guy has a job, a bf/gf or at least a car, odds are he is not a complete psycho. Also, establish from the start that this is only NSA. The last thing you want is to share your bed/food with a fuck date.

  1. Hygiene is essential.

It does not matter if you just got off from work or if he has been travelling all day.  Sweat is small doses id hot, anything smelling of rotten eggs needs to be keeps in the trash, not in bed.  I will not screw/blow or get blown by you if your breath smells or your pits taste like vinegar. Wear and tear are understandable, but if you come to my place, I can provide a shower, soap and a towel. I expect you to do the same. If you want to save water, we can shower together.

  1. It’s a fuck date, not a tour

I hate it when people come to my place and get sidetracked by my stuff. I did not call you over to talk about my Ikea bed. I want you to rock it, not assess it. When in someone’s home – for NSA – observe as little as possible and ask as little as possible.  You’re there for the person’s body, not Real Estate 101. The less intrusive you are, the more chances you will have good sex.

  1. NEVER ask yourself back to someone’s place. It’s is always up to the host to advise if you will be meeting in the same setting. It’s completely disrespectful and clingy to start wondering about coming back right after cumming. If you guys clicked, your host will ask you to stay for coffee or tell you when he will be free again. Nine out of ten cases, if a guy didn’t ask me back to his place, we never fucked again. Same was for me – no good fuck, no new house visit.
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The hypnotic cock

The 8 rules of hosting

Having sex should be an awesome experience. In order for it to be so, a series of elements need to come together in unity and harmony. Much like in a movie, you need actors, a script, props AND a set.

Based on some of my recent experiences, many queers tend to forget this final piece of the phallic puzzle. This is why I’ve come up with 8 rules I swear by when having someone over. And so should all of us.

  1. Your safety comes before your load

Regardless of how horny you might be, ask the basic set of questions before having any drifter off the street in your home. I make it my job to get the bare minimum on all guys I have in my place. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he answers and what he has to say.  If the guy has a job, a bf/gf or at least a car, odds are he is not a complete psycho. Also, establish from the start that this is only NSA. The last thing you want is to share your bed/food with a fuck date.

  1. Hygiene is essential.

It does not matter if you just got off from work or if he has been travelling all day.  Sweat is small doses id hot, anything smelling of rotten eggs needs to be keeps in the trash, not in bed.  I will not screw/blow or get blown by you if your breath smells or your pits taste like vinegar. Wear and tear are understandable, but if you come to my place, I can provide a shower, soap and a towel. I expect you to do the same. If you want to save water, we can shower together.

  1. It’s a fuck date, not a tour

I hate it when people come to my place and get sidetracked by my stuff. I did not call you over to talk about my Ikea bed. I want you to rock it, not assess it. When in someone’s home – for NSA – observe as little as possible and ask as little as possible.  You’re there for the person’s body, not Real Estate 101. The less intrusive you are, the more chances you will have good sex.

  1. NEVER ask yourself back to someone’s place. It’s is always up to the host to advise if you will be meeting in the same setting. It’s completely disrespectful and clingy to start wondering about coming back right after cumming. If you guys clicked, your host will ask you to stay for coffee or tell you when he will be free again. Nine out of ten cases, if a guy didn’t ask me back to his place, we never fucked again. Same was for me – no good fuck, no new house visit.
The 8 rules of hosting

It’s not THAT bad!

I’ve been reading a ton of misconceptions about queers in Romania lately. To be honest, I don’t know why all the shade.  I do however know where it is coming from: oddly enough, it’s not from outside the ‘community’, but from within it.

I keep hearing and reading all these posts about how life is hard, how the gays don’t feel safe, how they can’t get jobs or how they live at the outskirts of Romanian society. They are forever the victims of a system set to tear them down and throw then into the garbage bin of modern history.

To this I can only say that these people have far too much time on their hands.  Funny enough, the ones complaining are most often the ones without a job (free time much?).

Here’s my take and break down on the matter:

 

Gays don’t feel safe in Bucharest

Well, honey, who does? Is Bucharest a warzone? Most likely not. At least there you could maybe find a stiff dick. Safety is a debatable  notion which depends on a lot of factors, NOT JUST on your sexuality. You can just as easily get robbed in Paris, Berlin or Sofia as you can in Romania. You do not have FAG written on your forehead. Nor should you. Learn a little bit about the notion of private and public life and you’ll be fine. Also, if you’re getting beaten on a daily basis, maybe stop hitting on str8 guys in the metro/street/tram/bank/gym or any other place that has oxygen.

Gays can’t get jobs

Strangely enough, over 90% of the gays I know have jobs and I think more than half have high-paying, long-term, rich in perspective jobs (doctors, lawyers, marketers etc.) so I’m really not seeing the whole employment discrimination issue. Are you explicitly detailing on your CV or during your job interview that you are gay? In that case, maybe you should know that str8 people don’t brag about the number of partners or their best sex positions during interviews – and they get hired! Sex or anything sex related has no place in a CV or during an interview. Not even afterwards.  People in companies simply do not care that you are gay. They just care about turning your work into money.

Gays live in shitholes

Well, that depends. I know a lot of shithole-dwelling straight people as well.  Maybe, just maybe, you are a lazy princess who embraced the ‘victim status’ instead of working for something and ended up flat broke. Maybe you should have been flipping burgers at McDonald’s for a salary instead of flipping fellows in the park. Just saying.

Overall, Romania is a pretty ok place for gays right now. There are places where you can party, there are more than enough jobs for everyone and healthcare has come a long way. Of course there is still a lot to do – especially in terms of civil union, but hey, crying about it on FB will not get it solved.

 

You will not change mentalities by feeling sorry for yourself. You will change them by working hard and being an example. Respect is something you earn. Not something given to you as a result of taking dicks up the ass. Set your goals, get your shit together and then we’ll talk discrimination.

 

It’s not THAT bad!

The terms and conditions they don’t tell you about

Outsourcing has become the hallmark of most former communist countries in Europe.

Corporate districts with Starbucks and dry cleaners have taken countries by storm and are shaping present and future generations of young people.

What nobody told these people was how to survive in this American-inspired, Balkan business world. But some have figured it out. Below are a few guidelines:

  • Rarely do as much as you really can and never do more than you should

During you induction week in ANY multinational you will be told how important it is to go the extra mile. Do NO do that. The extra mile will not mean a raise, a gold watch or a bigger parking space (as if you could ever afford a car!). That just happens in movies or fairy tales. You are not Cinderella and you team lead is not Prince Charming. It will only mean going another extra mile and another one and another one…on a road paved with anything but gold.

It’s simple math: if W (amount of work executed) grows, then also W1 (ammount of new assignments) will grow.  At the same time T (time) is constant and Y (your youth) is dropping.

  • Be with the IN crowd

A company is more like high school than you could imagine. Maybe you’ve noticed the same nerdy people – always working and completely antisocial, the cool ones (probably management) smoking, or the rebels ( ‚This corporate job is just a phase! I’m go do stuff and go places!’ )

Choose your place wisely. Once branded, it will be insanely hard to change your social milieu.

  • The receptionist is your friend.

A lot of my friends make it a habit of being friends with the receptionist. Even when they go for their first interview it is insanely helpful to have someone on the inside within the first hour of entering the building. Not only can you find out who is doing what when with whom for how long and why, but also they are nice by nature. If both of you smoke, that much better.

 

More to follow.

The terms and conditions they don’t tell you about

A load of Athens

I usually don’t tell people about my future travel plans until they see the check-ins on Facebook. Athens is a case where I am particularly happy I acted this way.

After coming back and discussing Athens and Greece, I received a lot of surprising reactions such as why would you go there? or how many refugees did you count or do they still have shops open? OR is there anytihng going on there apart from the tourists on the island?

My answer is simply YES. There is a lot going on in Athens and Greece and they are doing very well. Better than Romania in a large number or ways actually.

I will start off with the most obvious: the airport. People speak English better than expected, everything is straightforward and the train will pick you up (on time!) and drop you off in a number of central places.

We went in February so the weather was obviously cold, but still surprisingly warm compared to Romania. So that you understand, they have orange trees with actual ripe oranges on the main streets. In February. Yes.  I could enjoy a 360 view at the Acropolis while the sun was blinding me harder than an accidental load received a night before in a local club in my eyes.  I really love the greeks for their weather. And not only.

Accomodation and entry prices were really low. I’m not sure if this is a general thing or if it varies during the year, but compared to Rome it really was nothing. Not to mention the lack of neverending lines full of people with babies (guys why do you do this? That child will never remember seeing Athena’s temple when it was 3 y.o.!).

I love eastern European cuisine, and I particulary love greek yoghurt, gyros and any kind of milk-based product you shove into my mouth. I’m happy to say that the tradition of small Greek taverns is not limited to the islands. The streets of Athens have planty to offer.

When I came back home and I mentioned staying in Omonia, many of my friends were shocked as apparently this is the bad side of town. To be honest, I didn’t really feel it. Either that or I am too used to living together with shady people. Anyway, I would recommend Omonia as it is pretty close to the center, OK prices, good places to eat and if you’re lucky you can even catch a strike or altercation of sorts. One really must take in all the local flavor.

Regarding night life, the greeks do not disappoint. From bar streets to dungeons, you have it all. It is in good taste and it is clean. It is as much fun as it is decadent. One of the main bar streets is close to the Acropolis and if you go a bit further, you will find a lovely little sauna set up on 5 floors with EVERY major kink you can think of.

If I have a regret, that would be not spending more time in this city with good food, decent prices, great views, relatex people and alltogether fell-good attitude. I promised myself I would go back. Fingers crossed!

A load of Athens

Serbia: the love-hate relationship II

Episode 2: The EXIT saga

 

Moving on, the country is a mix of communist architecture, we do not accept cards  attitude, inexpensive food and drinks and gorgeous people.

I can honestly say that Serbians are some of the most f*ckable people I have ever met. Kudos to you! Now leave from there! Or at least move to Belgrade as it seemed somewhat bearable.

Going into details, I was there for EXIT in Novi Sad. I was told this is the kind of city which lives only a couple of weeks a year during the world famous festival. I’m inclined to believe that, but I am a bit saddened as this place really did have a lot to offer: a fortress, good, clean, cheap eats, a nice beach on the Danube , tons of cheap alcohol and cigarettes (the good kind) and (unlike at the border) an attitude defined by openness towards foreigners.

Regarding hooking up, well since you’re going for a festival, the solution is pretty straightforward: puff, trial and error. It is way more simple that in other places, particularly because of the mix of people from everywhere looking for all kinds of fun.  Things get out of hand and then things start coming into your hand. Just be careful what you squeeze.

EXIT was awesome in every way: well organized, good music, affordable drinks and ok food. It was edgy and fun without being dangerous and it was uplifting and meaningful without being cliche or corny. Also is was deliciously depraved without  everything ending up posted all over Facebook the next day. *sigh*

If you happen to be in Serbia, but there is no festival going on, then you’re stuck with the apps. Don’t worry, they work (i.e. are not blocked) and this is one of those countries where you can hook up easily by means of apps, based on my theory.

Sidenote: my theory is a complicated one, but basically means that there are two types of countries:  where there are few people and they are more willing to hook up via apps since there aren’t many options as opposed to larger places where hooking up can be done in a number of ways, with tons of people, so apps are not essential.

As opposed to Germany for example, I can say that Serbia is not very diverse. The people tend to follow a steady, one-direction line of behaviour and traditional views on life are favoured. You will see no over-the-top fashion or mind blowing alternative places to satisfy your depraved soul.

Would I recommend it for a weekend? Yes, but either during a festival or to visit Belgrade.

Would I advise on moving there? Only for a huge salary and good airplane connections to majour European cities.

Would I recommend the food and drinks/prices? Yes, definitely. As a middle-class Romanian, I felt like a king there due to the prices and quality of services. For this I am grateful.

Do i regret anything? Yes! Not knowing their regulations regarding cell phones and paying 150 Euros for half an hour of mobile data.

Overal, go see it once. You might like or hate this country. Either way, an impression will be made and it will be a long lasting one!

Serbia: the love-hate relationship II

Serbia: the love-hate relationship

My time in Serbia has most definitely been out of this world, but I’m still not quite sure if in the good way.

There have been those night without sleep, late, late, late breakfast( which I might as well call lunches with alcohol), a lot of scenery, music, sex and a hours of exercising self-restraint and zen attitude towards idiots.

 

Episode 1 – Going in

I would start off with the actual road towards Novi Sad. First thing I need to point out before proceeding is that I seem to have a stoner/pimp face. It might be because of my slender, junkie-like build, or my beard or my tattoos or my shaved head or my affinity for stuffed animals. I don’t know what it is, but I always get extra checks in the airports. It’s happened in Berlin, Rome, Frankfurt, Prague and Athens. I always get to take my boots off and have my hands and luggage scraped for drug checks. They don’t even bother telling me that I was randomly selected. It’s so obvious that I was not. Anyway, NO OTHER checks I went through on any airport come event close to what I went through at the Serbian border.

From my experience, it is very important to choose your entry point very well. Definetly do NOT enter it via Bulgaria, through the South-East customs post. We had a trio of women custom officers  with a lot of time on their hands and willing to check absolutely everything on our car and us. No condom was missed, no STD antibiotic pill was ignored and even my stuffed toy got a good body search.  It was trully shocking for them to see Armani  T-shirts and a sedan car produced after 2010 in that rural corner.

‚Serbia is a country where we are very careful to check what enters the land’ was the explanation we were provided for the semi-porno strip search we got at the fronteer.  My thought on this was something like ‚well, probably progress was denied entry judging by what I can see so far so maybe you need to chill on the prejudice!’

I’m all into a good strip search and role play, but only in select venues in central or western European cities. I can honestly say that the Serbian frontier check was not my happiest moment.

When we left we took another route more to the north and far more circulated by people from western Europe. Needless to say, the check only took about ten minutes and my dignity was intact.

Serbia: the love-hate relationship